And I'm sorry about the full moderation while you are under this heartbreak and stress.
Depression is a helluva thing. There's a chapter in Divorce Remedy dealing with a depressed spouse--it talks about dealing with the long haul. It's hard on everyone. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this while you are parenting.
You seem well focused and like a good person, and that's a real tribute to you in this mess.
Hang in there, we are here to help.
There are folks here who have been around awhile, and they're here to give back. Some of them have been very successful in saving their marriages. Some of them have been very successful in learning relationship skills and rebuilding their own dignity and rebuilding their lives even though their spouses have not returned for whatever reason. We call them, colloquially, as 'the vets'. Seek out their advice, the names at the tip of my tongue: sandi2, 25yearsmlc, Mr. Bond, Starsky309, Kaffe Diem, desert rat, the moderators: JackThreeBeans, sgctxok, Jamesjohn....there are many others
