One of the books I read talked about that. It says that when we are children, we're all "abused" in one way or another. In some cases minor, in some cases major, but no parents are perfect and they act from their own weaknesses. (I realize I'm using the term "abuse" loosely here)

Given the abuse we receive, we learn how to cope, and become experts at it. Coping with that abuse over time feels "normal" to us.

Therefore, when we're dating, people who stand to abuse us in familiar ways make us feel normal, and make us feel ourselves. That's why we seek these patterns.

If you were raised by disengaged parents, and find a partner who dotes on you, you won't know what to do with that, you won't feel you deserved it, and it will make you feel uneasy. Instead, you'll look for someone who is also going to mildly neglect you and make you work for their affections, because that's what feels right. Doing that work is what makes you value the affection you receive.

I think it takes a huge amount of inner growth to really be able to get into a long term relationship with someone who does not treat you the way you expect to be treated. It won't feel right initially, and that makes it hard to feel in love.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015