W and I had a good period. Communication got easier. Being around each other became more frequent and pleasant. Then W said, "The more resovled I am to get divorced, the easier it is to be around you." That marked the beginning of some intense unrest inside of me.
"I can't just let her think that because I'm being quiet that all of this is OK. She can't just sit in her delusional world and think this doesn't hurt our kids."
I've been pushing her more often. Trying harder to get her to talk.
Now, I feel depressed. She's refusing to respond to me for the first time in a good long while. I found out she's been reading a book about Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT. My daughter just started DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) to deal with some of her issues. She exhibits some traits of BPD, but you're not officially allowed to diagnose a teenager because they aren't done cooking yet.
I'd like to read the book so I can understand a little better what I should be doing to help out my daughter and what the DBT is all about, but my wife actually seems to be unwilling to share it with me.
My W is convinced that I am sick. She thinks I have borderline personality in addition to my bipolar. I think she is looking for help in rationalizing her decisions and is unwilling to look at her own part in ANYTHING. I'm so frustrated. And now a crazy part of my brain is thinking that W is withholding the name of the book to get the upper hand on me on something.
I think she wants whatever parts of me that she finds objectionable to remain a secret to me so that I can't work on them and can't interfere with her rejecting me. Or something.
I know I need to disconnect and back off. I am just so frustrated.
- All for the kids - Me:34, W:35 M:7, T:13 S6, D3 + my D15 from previous marriage July 2011 "I think I need a separation" W filed D September Currently living apart - she has the house, I rent a room
