W was going out for a bit after work. She sent a text stating she met a new (female) friend at work and was sorry she was running late. I simply responded, “ok. Have fun! I appreciate you letting me know.” She responded that she was surprised that I wasn’t upset. …I realize now that I used to get mad any time she didn’t follow my plan or keep me immediately in the loop. I know this stems from trust issues from the past affair.. These issues were never dealt with.
I had a great time having dinner with our son, playing, and putting him to bed.
She came home very late, drunk, crying, and wanting to talk. I didn’t let the conversation go on too long before I coaxed her to bed. I didn’t want to have this conversation while she was inebriated.
Some of the points she was trying to make… *She wants to make our relationship work but doesn’t know if she can. She doesn’t know how to get the feelings back. She said the fact that she hasn’t moved out is proof that she wants it to work. (this is the first time she’s mentioned moving out…) I said that I don’t have the magic answer, but that’s why I found us a counselor that specializes in marriage counseling. She said she doesn’t believe that counseling has a purpose when one partner is unsure, but she is still willing to go. Our first session is tonight.
*She said that I’m her best friend and that she wants to do everything with me. We were on/off many times while dating (5 years prior to marriage). She thinks maybe we’re just codependent and can’t let go.
*I didn’t bring it up, but she said this isn’t about “someone else” (EA? PA?) I didn’t dig further into this topic. I assume there is an EA at a minimum.
*She got briefly frustrated because I wasn’t saying much. I just hugged her and said I love you and I want to make this work.
*She is depressed. I don’t know if she could be more unhappy. She hates where we live. She’s see a personal therapist (been to one session) but he doesn’t prescribe meds. I’ve known her for years and have never seen her this depressed. I don’t know how to tell her I think she needs meds without risking a fight.
*She didn’t go to work today… she said her personal life is too distracting. I said that work is a good distraction from the personal life. She was adamant that she couldn’t go there. I wonder if part of last night’s sadness/frustration had something to do with the possible OM (coworker…).
While typing this she sent me an email saying “thanks for being so amazing lately.”
We need help.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
