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[JustStunned]

@Val: Thank You for your faith and comments. Feeling the rush of misplaced emotions surprised me. I am not acting upon them and having analyzed my response I will guard against doing so. I suspect my soul is starved for companionship (“quality time”” and “acts of service”) so that when I perceived praise I reacted in this manner.

@HIW: I am flattered that you would put in the effort the to review my threads. There is much to learn from so many people on this board. I have difficulty keeping up on the handful of threads I follow. I am confident Nine is still out there slowly healing. He is a survivor. I read your recent posts. You are not Hopeless. None of this is shiny, but you too will make it through. Use the time and insight to improve.

@BeingMe and YC: There is no danger of me pursuing anyone. My take on this is I have more work to do upon myself. If anything I should engage in more group activities. They are safer emoitionaly and should provide opportunities for more human contact

@Gunny: I have great respect for Corpsmen and IMO Bastogne was one of the more memorable episodes in Band of Brothers. I would go back to Edinburgh now having more than Cinderella liberty. My son was recently selected for recruiter duty and will likely be posted within a few hundred miles of his HOR. So in a few months I’ll have greater opportunity to spend time.

Semper Fidelis

Journaling: So the drama continues. Yesterday just before dinner SIL2 called. My Pampered Chef order is in and oh by the way her sister, my W, is stirring up another storm. December 2010 when W made her decision I was accused of many transgressions and abuses. Then when the SILs invited both of us to Thanksgiving the same stories were told, then again with greater vehemence following Christmas. Now the Aunt that functions as one of her surrogate mothers has joined the fray.

I do not accept everything that is being heaped upon me as my responsibility. If our marriage was so terrible why did we stay together for almost 30 years? Why were we the poster couple for the extended family?

SIL2 wanted to tell me that she and SIL1, MIL, FIL, nieces, nephews and most of the extended family believe I am being portrayed unfairly. That I should have faith they have not abandoned me. That they are trying to stay neutral in all of this, and W is hurting them while attacking their memory of us.

So I spent about half an hour validating SIL2 feelings and trying to explain W’s need for a villain. I should have just validated.

It seems the closer we draw to the hearing date the more W needs to convince herself I am the lowest meanest scum that ever drew breath and she is justified in her actions, nay I deserve to be punished and shunned. I believe this is one of those cases when a story is told often enough the teller begins to believe it as fact.

I am left here thinking the best thing I can do is what I have done. Do not intrude, be present, when asked support, do not attack W, validate, validate, validate and stand my ground when pushed too far. Stay the course. Tack a little around the base, but generally hold to it.

I will not be a victim. I am not the persecutor. I will rescue myself. I refuse to participate in her triangle and doing so seems to drive her anger. She pokes not quite impotently with a sharpened stick.

Perhaps I’ll post some quotes about forgiveness to FB, IDK staying dark seems to be fueling her anger again. Perhaps if she sees a benign reaction it will assuage some anger. Perhaps it’ll make it worse.

My FB post. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – Buddha” Sort of like 25s which I have already appropriated.

Too subtle? Too much? She probably will not even see it. The kids will and perhaps that will do some good.