Spinning, neglect, loss and the bomb

[ouroboros]

You know your trust has been betrayed - a confession or the details will not change anything for you or your W.

Here's where I really need LOTS of help, experience, and opinions.

I have clear evidence of at least an EA, maybe a PA.
W denied it when I asked during the bomb.
W denied it again when the MC asked her directly.
I also have evidence that the OP, at some point recently, likely broke it off.

I would have thought that having her admit the EA/PA would clear the air, allow for an honest discussion, and move us forward.

I would have thought confronting her on it would do the same thing, but with more risk because it would be more emotionally charged for both of us. If I did confront, I think doing it in MC would be safest but that's 2 weeks out.

Ignoring it completely seems to run the risk of me looking "weak" to her as well as grinding down my ability to DB. I need to be able to keep DBg. But, Bill makes a really strong point that she might be protecting me or our M on some level by hiding this, and that knowing the details will end up not mattering anyway.

I think Bill is right, but I am feeling dishonest not revealing what I know. And it's killing me.

Can you share your story, especially if you had evidence of your WAS EA/PA that you found post-bomb, and what you did about it? Did they admit? Did you confront? Ignore? Ignore for now? How did it go?