the path is the goal...

[cat04]

Zig,

Is it possible that your lack of emotional connection with your H has more to do with the abuse and the actual act of sex than it has to do with your H?

I ask because we all have things that we think we have healed completly to find out that we really haven't. They still lay under the surface creating issues that we don't even associate to them.

You say that both your X and your H used the abuse as an excuse for less sex (if I am reading correctly) and I have to wonder if that is the case? Maybe you used it as the excuse for less sex?

In cases of abuse, while men try very hard to empathize with what a woman/child went through, they also have a hard time understanding how it is then translated to them and why it affects them. They didn't hurt you. And men have egos. Regardless of the brave front they put up, they do get effected by rejection. They do take it personally sometimes. Because sometimes what we know and what we feel are two very different things.

How am I doing? IDK... I think I finally got what I THOUGHT I wanted... and the silence is deafening...

But I did want it... now I just have to learn how to walk again, now that the wind isn't blowing... and appreciate what I have...

It is so much easier to define what we don't want in our lives because we can usually see it much clearer.

So getting what you thought you wanted is now making you question if you really wanted it?

While normal, very normal in fact, it is also a good reason to try to have as clear a picture as possible of what, in fact, you DO want. So that when you get there, you have something to measure it by and the adjustment is that much easier.