Trying to erase her past

[AJM]

They are afraid of weakness because we were the ones that they used to let see their frailties. They are afraid of weakness because we were the ones that they used to let see their frailties.

Perhaps it's because we have seen behind the mask that they are so afraid. As you mentioned later in your post, you can't undo the past no matter how hard you try. All you can change is your perception of it. Even that is folly. I realized early on that when she was trying to "re-remember" our past together it wasn't going to work for her and it wasn't going to work for me. I opted to not re-remember our past together.

My ex states she doesn't trust me. I wondered at that for a while. But I have no explanation for it. I got a glimpse and suspect she doesn't want her secrets to come out, not even to her new self. She seems afraid of being called names (adulterer, liar, scumbag, etc) even though it seems ok for her to call me names. I don't call her names any longer, because I don't let her suck me into the drama, but it was something I noticed along the way and it makes me think she has an image issue that she protects at all costs. She also has to run away when we're at functions together. Acts like her a** is on fire and her hair is catching

Can't explain it, but it does seem there is weight to the statements about their feelings. As if they cannot let themselves care about or trust us. As if that might stop their forward momentum. Habit? Something deeper? I dunno...

Either way, there are boundaries. There are things she has done that are inexcusable even for friends. Is what it is and we have to deal with it as we see fit. Perspective is what matters. Boundaries too. We have to be people and we have to accept that even if we did not ask for it.

We have the advantage of not being a total jerk. Of being rational. Graceful. Happy. I do not envy their choices, but I do respect that they are theirs to make.

AJ