Are you being consistent during these times that she is riding the wave?
ie. NO CHANGE in your behaviour...
Or are you engaging her when she is in a good mood... and distancing when she is in a bad mood or distant?
It is often said that when "they" stop complaining... it doesn't mean things are better... it means quite the opposite...
Even though she's not asking for help, does not mean she does not want it... it might... but unless she tells you she does not want help, then you really don't know for sure... and just cause she tells you she doesn't want help, does not mean that she doesn't want help...
Not really confusing when you look at it...
How can you participate in the same way, and at the same level, whether she asks for it or not...?
Did you help before because you wanted to help, or because she asked for your help in very specific ways?
If she tells you not to help... and you can tell what she actually means is that she doesn't want you anywhere around her at that moment...
How else might you help around the house otherwise? Like say... she leaves the dishes to be put away after your S is asleep? Or whatever...
You'd not be helping as a way to appease her... rather... you'd be looking at ways of contributing because you want to make that part of who you are within the M...
This vacation she is planning... is it WITH you... or without you...? Because if it is with you, well... we could all pretend that she is just trying to lead you on and keep you enmeshed while she plans her exit...
but... maybe she is testing you and wanting to know that you are still committed and intend to be with her in June...
Is she excited in talking about the trip? How could you engage her in planning the trip in a way that you are really participating and excited... even if the two of you go in separate planes and stay in different rooms in different hotels...?
