Accuray, I came back to your thread today with the feeling that I mis-spoke when I said "perhaps your wife wanted to please you but..."
You seem to have a good sense of what your wife is like and as you say above, you are more interested in figuring out how to deal with it. This is definitely hard and full of psychology. Obviously you are not happy with the status quo, but if you push too hard it will reinforce her feelings of the need to guard or protect herself. Since you seem to be committed to staying in the relationship my advice would be to keep working on it, be willing to move slowly and be supportive; build on the things that she is more comfortable with but also talk about how you would like the relationship to be different. I don't know that I really have any good advice to give, but please feel free to ask questions, perhaps I can help to share some perspective on what it is like to feel guarded, insecure, timid, etc.
