Do I just give in?

[Hurt84]

Thanks everyone for the comments.

Her application for the apartment got approved yesterday so she's going to look at it on Friday. I feel like one minute she's going full steam ahead but the next she keeps looking back to what she's walking out on.

She definitely wants to keep things easy for herself though. My guess is that she wants to keep the door open to come home if her A isn't working out or if she finds that its hard on her own. I'm kind of okay with that because there is that chance that she does come back but at the same time I feel like I'm a backup plan in case what she wants doesn't work out. I don't know how I feel about being a backup plan - I'm her husband, I'm supposed to come first. Then again, if that was the case, would we even be here?

We agreed last week that we'd hold off on discussing what really was going to come next until after she takes this test for work on Friday. While she's been doing this apartment hunting, etc since then I haven't really pushed any big conversations about what's going to happen - we talked about finances briefly but nothing too in depth - holding to what we agreed and to give us both a little space. Besides my slip up yesterday, the only things we've discussed have been the stuff she'd take, which those weren't really discussions - she asked if I'd be okay with her taking some furniture from the guest room and a couple other things and I didn't really answer. I'm okay with most of it but in thinking about things again, it's another way of her making things easy on herself. She wants to leave that door open.

She doesn't want our family and friends to know that she'd be moving out until after our vacation - which is over a month away. She's been adamant through everything that she doesn't want to cancel the vacation. She says because we are supposed to go with friends that it would be rude if we backed out. I think it's because she knows if she doesn't go with me that she can't go. She doesn't want to get her own bank account or change her direct deposit from work because she doesn't want them knowing what's going on. She wants to do her laundry at our house rather then at the apartment complex. I mean what is this? Are we back in college where she comes home on the weekends to get her mail and do laundry?

I'm thinking that when we do discuss what's next after this test that I'm going to say that if she really wants to leave that door open to her coming home that I think we need to go to MC in the meantime, otherwise what's the point? If she's not willing to do that, which she's refused at every point throughout all of this, then what are we really doing? Is she just trying to figure out a way to string along her backup plan?

I want to act as if none of this is bothering me or affecting me but throughout everything she's wiggled her way around the "stands" I've taken. Only when things have gotten somewhat "real" for her, when I told her that she needs to move out or that we need to figure out when and how to tell our family, has she actually either showed any sort of emotion in front of me or has tried to hold on to some sort of normalcy. Me letting her wiggle around all that I feel is just prolonging my torture.