looking for hope

[jc180]

I didn't realize how much I'm still pursuing her. This is extremely hard because it requires going against my own nature. My therapist told me that I still want to please her and her nasty words left an indelible mark on me. By being nice to her and trying to please her i am trying to prove her criticisms wrong and show her I am a nice guy. She told me that is exactly what she wants me to do and it reinforces her attitudes about me instead of the opposite. For example my W in marriage counseling complained that now I am "perfect". The changes she demanded and used as as reasons for wanting to leave actually occurred. In essence I became the man she wanted but now she resented me for giving her what she wanted. It was a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. My therapist said I need to consider the fact that their might have been anything I could have done to save the marriage, that this is entirely her doing. This puts me in a difficult situation because my nature is to be nice. I didn't think it was a big deal to tell her it is nice to see you or that I missed her and my son. I am trying and before I came into the house I did try to prepare my words. When I see her my heart fights my brain and sometimes he loses. I recognize I still have the attitude that I can fix the marriage if only she would listen to my words. This is something I am going to try harder on. A friend told me recently that "your Wife can't betray you anymore, the only one who can betray you now is yourself".