I totally understand the way you feel. I have lived through my ex running off with ow after a long time cheating and my kids wanted nothing to do with it all. So he never had my daughter (my son's were legal age at the time he left) overnight or for a visit or anything. I knew she was missing out on a lot so during our divorce negotiations I said that I thought he should take the kids on vacation (he was complaining about feeling ostracized by them). I even offered him to use our family cottage (which I was maintaining and bought out from him in the divorce. He very clearly stated "NOT WITHOUT MAGGOT"! (pet name for ow). Then he NEVER made plans.
So nearly 11 years have gone by. He has gone on lush vacations (currently he is heading to Russia) but not once has he taken his children.
So the kids have missed out. And now tell me they wish they had a better R with him (they do see him a few times a year and he did see Ashley once or twice a month in her teen years). He wants them to come for a holiday dinner (Thanksgiving or something) and I tell them that they have to do what is right for them. And they tell me NO - they will NOT accept her - the woman who broke up their family. So it never ends for them.
I think your kids should go. I don't think they should miss out on time with their father. Sometimes I think the way the OP is around the kids is enough to make the R fall apart. Or maybe they will like her. Let's hope that they do (for their own comfort).
I was proud that my kids took a stand and although I did not push them - I was happy they chose NOT to have a R with OW. But listening to my son struggle over it now is different. It makes me think that maybe I should have encouraged them to be with them together.
Be happy for your girls getting this chance to go on vacation. They can figure out for themselves whether they want to go again based on this first time.
