Pursuit and Distance

[Accuray]

Thanks Frustrated2

I appreciate it. Have you discussed how you feel with him? That's a lot of resentment to carry for a long time. Telling a man you're not happy with him sexually is obviously a difficult discussion, but if you set it up right and came into it with the goal to make things better for both of you maybe its worth having. Do you feel the same way about other aspects of your marriage? Do you feel its all about him? Do you play a role in creating that dynamic? I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness.

For W's part, I don't believe that my selfishness is an issue because I've always wanted and sought to provide a shared experience. W's parents were not very nurturing, they're response to her sadness as a child would have been to either humor her or tell her to get over it. I believe the defense she has developed is to closely guard her emotions. In addition, she convinced herself in all her relationships that her feelings don't matter. She tries to live that way, and then resents the position she's in. I've heard this sentiment from a few women on this board who have come to feel this way.

I am definitely challenged in terms of how to deal with it because its not something she's interested in changing and that makes it hard.

Accuray