DBing while settling finances

[needgrace]

Thanks Val and LF.

Five days since my W moved out of state. Not a word from her. I have not contacted her either and was not really been tempted to all weekend (what a change from the first few months of this situation)

I GAL'd this weekend and enjoyed biking along the beach, cleaning out the garage for a fresh start and looking for new furniture. I did all of those with a friend and enjoyed myself. It is when I am home alone, just me and my cute dog, that I tend to obsess.... I have had some success turning my mind away from the obsessive thinking to a new project of forming a vision board of what I want in my life, where I want to go and who i want to be... I was feeling happy ad hopeful..

Then today came...uh oh..

I pulled myself off Facebook a few months ago to help detach. A friend asked me today if i wanted to know what W posted. i initially said no and then she said that it was good news and i mistakenly acquiesced. W posted on the day of her move that "it was finally sinking in" and a sad face. Honestly, I do not read anything into that about us, it seemed to be just about moving.

My friend then told me that W posted that she was moving back here in 6 months like it was definite. That sent me reeling...I started thinking that she was already talking about moving back because she had started a new R already (the girl she had told me she was interested in last month) and how difficult it will all be if she moves back to this small community and I just got so anxious and sad tonight.

Of course, I wanted to call her, wanted an answer about the D papers and if there is a new R to end this anxiety....but thankfully I didn't call or text her. (That is a big 180 for me to manage my anxiety!)

i have been reading a great deal on the boards about MLC and think that is what she is having, but also think that she is naturally a runner and may never stop running. i need to refocus tomorrow on me and my own growth and happiness.

it is so humbling, this journey, every time i think i have a handle on it, i get knocked down again. i wish i could detach easier....i was imagining how 25 would handle it today.... probably with the confidence to know that even if W started a new R, she would quickly realize that i am the type of woman that can not be easily replaced!!