It is good DBing to be you... and if the spouse is uncomfortable... it's not our place to "save" them...
You've written so much (catching up)... and so much great stuff... I'd ask you to re-read what you have written over the next week or two... there's a lot of great stuff that you've picked up and can keep moving forward with...
So, it's not your job to make him feel uncomfortable... although it's not your job to save him, either...
While tempering your volatile nature, don't put out that fire if it is part of who you are... and I think it is... just allow it to glow more when it needs to... and be more warm and inviting as necessary...
I think you mentioned that was a part of you when you first started with your H... I wonder if that is part of what your H was attracted to... that he would have seen it as "spunk" and a challenge...
When's the last time you think your H has made you happy? That he's actually KNOWN that you were happy because of him?
