the path is the goal...

[zig]

t appears to me that the convos with H leave you twisting and hurt. Would it be possible for you to tell him you need time to get on your feet (or whatever) and that it might be best to email and only about S? That gives YOU such spaIce.

twisting and hurt - gosh labug - i didn't even realize that's how i felt until i read what you wrote - have been trying so hard to be brave and all

this might be the perfect time - right after he yelled divorce - to just say that i need space to focus on how i am getting on with my own stuff and can we just email and text.

the only thing that holds me back a bit is that he will see it as me bing the old way - rejecting him.. but hey - talk about who is rejecting whom. time to stop worrying how he will take it

and you'll be happy to know, that each day i see that woman stronger and stronger, and FEEL being her more and more, the real letting go has definitely started and i only feel that hollow feeling for a few moments - when it comes up - instead of staying with it, i immediately thing of something positive and it helps to dissipate it a bit, then i focus on something else and afterwards realize that i didn't have to think about it

oh and we did have a great weekend - actually in terms of GAL'ing, it was one of the best. we were out all day saturday - first at s's martial arts testing where h showed up unexpectedly - wondering if that is a baby step ??
then s and i went to earth day where he taught origami and i hung out with some of the other mom's from school. then we had a potluck - which was a huge success - it was an absolutely lovely evening and right before everyone came over s, his friend and i rearranged the living room and i love it!!

it's my space now, and it feels wonderful. this house is becoming more and more mine, and that's okay - i'm starting to feel that i can be here on my own, and even though h's stuff is here and there, i don't really notice it anymore