the path is the goal...

[zig]

thanks cat04 - and sorry again that it took so long to reply.
i love everything you wrote, and i am spending all my energy everyday now focusing towards that.

i think that h is an MLCer too. i don't know if i wrote that in the first posts i'd made, but it seems as if all the signs are there - even though he's just 39. either way i still have to do the same: MOVE ON

I liked his version of using the LRT, not engaging but participating in a conversation if you want to. Kinda going dim...which is about all you can achieve with children involved.

i've basically been doing that for months - recently the conversations and getting together has increased - with him initiating them completely - except for these last two. i don't question him or ask what he's doing etc. now that he's started texting, i've done a few texts, which is a relief for me, because i don't really want to talk to him on the phone all that much - felt that he always wants to further the conversation and get us in a messy place and it takes a lot of work on my part to keep it light and casual and to the point.


One thing I see in your posts is that you are trying to figure out why he is doing this or saying that in relation to your M

i know - and finally after 8 months i am plumb exhausted - i just don't care anymore right now - it's utterly futile, and i so wish i had been capable of getting to this point earlier. it is crazy making, and finally i realized that it's the same kind of crazy making that i went through in the relationship - just with different details.

mil and i talked a lot this past weekend, and i had talked w/ my mom during last week - and finally i realized that whether we get back together or not, I HAVE to STOP reacting to him when he is behaving negatively - it is my only option or i'll go down the hole again.

about my little business - i know i saw the reaction i had only after i went through it. there is something about the way he keeps telling me i'm not going to be able to do anything, that is so sad. maybe in his mind he needs to keep seeing me that way, but i don't think he understands that by having done that for the past 3 yrs, he has really hurt me and lowered my self esteem. after he said that i lost it for a day and a half, but then this time, i saw what it did - and the next time he even hints at something like that, i'm afraid i've decided to let him know what he is doing.

but i do have to grow a thick skin as KD said and not care about what he says..


Focus on you, what you can do to improve your life.

yes yes - i am really taking the first real real steps towards that. i don't feel so paralyzed by this situation anymore. and even though my mind is in the habit of turning and thinking about it, i find myself able to distract myself now, almost immediately and turn my focus towards something more positive

i would love if you checked in on me once in a while cat04 - that would mean a lot, thank you

thanks for all your advice
zig