GM, I just had to pop in here and agree with snod and kimmish...
My W claimed that I was controlling... and I wasn't even allowed to write on the calendar... lol... No, really... I was the SAHP and (ok, truth is I didn't step up, if that's the argument on my sitch) my W made all the plans for the household even while I was supposed to be "in charge"...
Another one my W would tell me was that I always needed to be right... of course, that was her response to pretty much anything I disagreed with her on... she pretty much nailed me before I was out of the gate, because if I tried to state my side, I was wrong because I was even trying to be right...
There may be some "truth" to what they say... or at best... understand that is how they FEEL... even if it has no basis...
Because you are simply a target... because they feel controlled... they feel "wrong"... they feel poor... they feel drunk...
It's the fault of the LBS...
Until... or if... they start their healing process... and then... they may stop blaming the LBS... but also understand... for all they blamed the LBS prior... they may never have clarity...
Understand how your H might feel the way he does, even if you had a different experience of things... and only own the things that you can say, "yes... I did that or behaved that way and I regret it and will fix that."
