the path is the goal...

[zig]

thanks labug - didn't catch your message before i went and did the deed

well i said the whole thing in a phone call, yesterday - and he turned it into an argument about what he'd said and agreed to do. after i made clear that if we were to co-parent successfully, i needed to be heard too, the [censored] hit the fan and he started yelling divorce!!

i stayed calm and said that if that is what he wished, i respected his decision, even though it was not what i wished, that i would prefer to see us stay a family together, i would not help him to get a divorce, but it was his prerogative to file for one is he wished.

he tried to make it sound as if i said i was going to fight the divorce, and i said that is not what i meant, i meant that i just wasn't going to help him to get it.

he yelled a lot, things like - "i'm ending this relationship right now, this minute" (i replied that it had been clear to me that he had ended it last august). also said "i have no intention at all of trying to make this relationship work." i said i respected that .

then we got off the phone after i said that i needed to go pick son up.

about an hour later, he called back and apologized profusely - not for the divorce stuff but for the argument and what he'd said and that what i had said during the argument was perfectly true.
i told him very nicely that i really appreciated it,(it was the most heart felt sounding apology i'd ever got from him). he said he had a really hard time telling me the truth (that's what the argument was about) because he was scared of my reaction.

i replied that in the past, because i used to get so angry , i understood that he was apprehensive, but now during this separation i have given him no reason to expect that. i understood that it takes a long time for people to recognize something like that, but the issue was trust on his part - he didn't trust that i will listen and acknowledge,

so that's that- will he file, will he not ????????

who cares - frankly i wasn't that upset - it sounded like a big old tantrum, and was hard to take so seriously. and if that's the way he needs to go about saying what he really wants - well, he hasn't evolved much! on the other hand, part of me was quite relieved - some movement - and that's almost the worst and i didn't fall apart, and i'm still standing and i'm looking' good, baby - just a few little tears with my sweet friend , but even then, not so caught up - actually i didn't react so much at all - it was like, okay whatever....

funny thing about the house - he drove s round to see it - and when s described it to me, i was like, hot damn, that's just the kind of house he knows i love - in fact that's not really his taste in houses!!!!

maybe when he guts it and gets it all done up he'll invite me there to live with him and s!!!! (GRIN)

how you doing labug - the last few days have been so busy, i haven't had time to post or to read other's stuff - it's good though - i'm moving forward step by step and have to stay focused

hope you're all well
zig