Seeing Lawyers tomorrow...even more hopeless

[25yearsmlc]

Asking "why??" Is pointless and counterproductive b/c it keeps YOU STUCK.

It's irrelevant anyhow b/c to HIM something was missing in his life.

It may be a spiritual crisis, an emotional one, a behavioral or all three. It may have fully involved the marriage.

But telling him that you can be happy and have a "great life"

when it's been rocky for 2 years won't make sense to him AT THIS TIME...

Plus I am wondering--

Is this such an aberration in his behavior - OR is this a pattern for him?

We are only looking at the texts/ EAs and a PA that you know of.

And already there IS a bit of a pattern in that, and the marriage did not get repaired then when the first EA happened...nor did he get therapy (or if he did, it did not take. No offense, but He sounds emotionally very immature or unstable. Does he see a shrink or take meds?)

When you had that first crisis in the marriage, you rejected him b/c you were hurt and

he said he tried to get your trust back by doing things YOU dont' believe he was alright with. But wouldn't that have been a good time to work on the marriage in a solution based way?

I'm not saying "too late now"!!

just wondering why YOU think marriage to him now,

would be any better or different?

IF it's possible for him to realize the mistake he's making AND to try and repair the marriage

it will NOT be b/c of you pursuing him. It'll be b/c HE discovers it on his own and

YOU GAL so then when you two interact (and you will interact if you two have been together since such a young age. It's just too hard to toss out all that history without missing the person, though it guarantees nothing)--

THEN you can be upbeat and warm and the woman he fell in love with. And you'll run into 3rd parties who know you both and you can "act as if" then too. Word will get back to him. No one misses a miserable person who makes them feel guilty. For a lot of men, guilt converts into blame or anger, fast...

But make sure you are not simply holding on b/c you don't want to be alone.

Some folks hate being alone.

The one thing for sure worse than being alone, is wishing you were.