golf mom, Please, please stop drinking the kool-aid the man is serving up. Stop accepting the blame for what happened in your marriage. We all had to take on things and listen up! If your man had issues w/what you were doing, he should have spoken up and had conversations w/you about the way he felt. Lord knows, none of us where mind readers.
Yes, he's dumping on you because he couldn't step up to the plate and say what was on his mind. This is the passive-aggressive behavior talking. Sure he didn't have an issue w/you doing all of that stuff at the time, but in crisis, he's going to speak up about every little thing that has crossed him from the get go. Has he said anything yet about the way you kept the house, cooking, etc.? Has he said anything about the way you dress or how you look? They may be the next thing he focuses on. He is looking for justification for why he feels the way he does and believe me, he will pull every little rabbit out of the hat first. He wants to make you feel miserable and he wants to play the victim. Don't allow him to bring you down into the dark hole w/him!
As for him wanting nothing to do w/you....that's mlc at its finest. Why? Because you are a reminder of his past life and it's a life he doesn't want to remember right now. He's searching for something in his past and you were not a part of that past when he was a child. Of course he feels anxious driving up the street...that's guilt talking. Many of them say that they feel smothered or feel like they are dying when they are in the home. Others will have the anxious feelings to the point of not wanting to come any where near their homes. Others will avoid all eye contact w/their spouses. Why? It's guilt and they are afraid that if they do come into their homes or see us, their hearts may soften and may opt to think about returning. They need reasons for staying away and that's when they pull the stunts they do. Honestly, they don't know why they feel the way they do about us, the relationship, etc. All they know is that they have to do this running bit right now and they also know it might be the biggest mistake they make, but they have to try it. It's not you or any of us, but it's all about THEM!
I am going to suggest that you take some time and go to the MLC archives and read up what many of the posters have written over the years and you will see that you are not alone in what he has said and done....golf mom, you are a wonderful and compassionate person and I do not want to see this man take you down into that dark hole. Toss that glass of kool-aid out and start drinking the glass that is half full of wisdom, support and knowledge that we offer here.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
