My husband definitely felt that I controlled everything. It wasn't intentional at all. Since I was home I thought he expected me to do everything and I developed resentment about that. I felt like the maid and he felt like he was just a paycheck. I'm sure a lot of couples fall into this. The mistake we made is that we didn't talk about it often enough, so at times we lashed out at each other. One of the first things that my H said after he left is that he felt that he had sacrificed his manhood. I was stunned. I took care of things to make it easier for him and because I thought that was what he wanted. Part of his resentment came from controversy over disciplining the boys. He rarely did it, but when he did it was usually because he didn't like how I was handling something and he would butt in, usually by yelling. To me that wasn't effective, but in hindsight I realize he saw it as not having a role in raising the boys. Clearly this is a pretty easy issue to to workout, but coupled with all of my H's other complaints about me he saw it as a pretty big deal. It really makes me feel bad that he felt squeezed out. That was never my intention. In fact, when he did choose to be involved with the boys it made my heart swell. I wanted a partner. It was never important to me to run the show. I wish my H would see that his passive-aggressive personality contributed to his resentment. I did acknowledge the mistake that I made by taking over and apologized for hurting him. This is something I will definitely be more aware of going forward whether we're together or apart.
In general, even though my H says he forgives me for the areas where I failed he still wants nothing to do with me and has said that he feels anxious driving up our street. So, has he really forgiven me? It seems like he has completely forgotten all of my positive qualities and, in his mind, has turned me into this horrible person who has made him feel like less of a man, controlled, unappreciated, unhappy, etc. What part of this, if any, do I need to own?
