If you decide to go the route of R, then I would strongly suggest you get MC. Or maybe go to something like Retrouvaille or Joe Beam's weekend or a consult with MWD. There are alot of issues going on and just because she's come to peace with them doesn't mean that you have.

Get the help for both of you.

First and foremost though is to not let any of your DB efforts slide. Keep those changes going.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER