looking for hope

[jc180]

This morning is my first day back in the house. I will be her for two days and then we trade off again. This weekend I will have him for 5 straight days.

I was inspired by my trip to see Joel Osteen. It was a great sermon. I tried to be as positive as possible and to be thankful for the blessings in my life.

When I saw my W this morning I said Good Morning. We spoke quite a bit while she was getting ready for work. I told her it was good to see her and she said thank you. She told me about her time with him and she said it was great. He didn't ask for me and I told her if she was trying to hurt me and she said no. She said he only asked for me when she was getting after him. She asked if he asks for her and I said yes of course especially at night when he expects you home. She told me she does not like our current visitation schedule and will ask her attorney to change it. I did not respond to talk about our D. She said she is going to have a hard time when I have him for my 5 days and that she will have to come over and visit him. I just shook my head and she said she has the right to come over and stock the fridge. I said that is fine but we might not be here. I can see that she is going to have a hard time being separated from him. I wish she would see this as a reason to try reconciliation but I don't think so. It just seems like more cake eating. I don't know what visitation schedule she imagines would be more to her liking. There is only one way to see our S everyday and that would be to stay married.

She also mentioned that she saw my mother for a few minutes. My mom told he she was on her way to my nephews baseball tournament. My W said if there was something like that going on she thought it was okay for me to ask her to take him. Even if it was her visitation day. When I think of this offer plus her text asking me if I wanted to see our Son this weekend I think she may be feeling overwhelmed. Remember I was a stay at home dad and she does not have as much experience as me let alone patience.

We had some more small talk and I smiled the entire time. I miss her so much I just wanted to grab her and give her a hug. She joked some more and smiled before she left. I joked about her sexy shoes and she showed them off to me.

Our final court date is set. She mentioned it to me and I told her yes I was aware my execution date has been set. The only thing I can do right now is to keep looking for work and to make the best of it. After staying at friends and family homes this week it makes me more determined to find work. There is no way that I want to drag my son with me to different homes when I have my visitation. My lawyer is going to try to get me child support. My W makes good money and if she paid me support I would be able to get an apartment quickly.