Kimmerz, We walk a fine line w/the mlcer. If you display anger and/or point fingers at them for anything, they will go into the disappearance mode or in some cases, take it out on the spouse and/or children by withholding funds, visitations, etc. They can be nasty little somebodies when they want to be and you do not want to be on the receiving end when they are extremely nasty.
Whether or not you act as if, many of them will test the waters to see where you are throughout the crisis. Acting as if, helps you in the long run because eventually you will begin healing and will one day wake up and realize you don't have to "act" any longer. Acting as if is a way to state that you are doing okay and can manage on your own, it doesn't necessarily state that you are happy w/what they are doing. It's not the get out of jail free card for them, but, what does send the message that you are okay w/what they are doing is when the spouses continue to do things for them, such as pick up the laundry, take care of their bills, continue to cook their meals, i.e., the normal day-to-day things that we all have done throughout our marriages. If you are not doing these, then the message is not there, just my two cents.
Is it a way to pave the way home? Yes, it could be, but there are a lot of factors that will determine this and the major one is whether or not you will still be there w/the door ajar to even consider reconcillation by the time he/she has completed their journey. Of course, your mlcer may opt to not even try to return and will continue on down the merry path.
Time is on your side and you will need to dig deep for patience to assist you in your journey.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
