I had a little awakening yesterday. At the bee I got roped into doing someone else's crazy project that they volunteered for. (Hand sewing 40 curtins for a historical project.) I don't want anyone to know I was involved, because the only thing authenic about this was that they are badly done. No self respecting missionary woman ever made such horrid curtins for her windows.
At the end of the day, I asked myself why I , once again, let someone step on me and push me around. My quilt for the quilt show isn't finishing itself. Everyone seems to think I can just drop my plans and do theirs.
And this is because I LET THEM!
I went out to a place last on Pearl Harbor Base called "The Country Bar". Didn't dance, need to freshen up my line dancing skills. I didn't stay long, but chatted with a few nice couples. I'm going to bring my kids with me next time, I think they woyld have fun.
Today my H and I went to breakfast at Denny's. I may be saying I'm done with him, but I am still doing my best to not talk, keep up my changes, and move on gracefully. Like some on here say, I can do what I need to do for me. And leave room for him to catch up later. Later might be in 10 years. Or I might be married to the nicest guy in the world by then. Time will tell.
But right now I am just considering him to be a feral cat. I'll keep putting out the food bowls for now. And not make any sudden moves toward him. I don't know what to say or do about OW. I need to ignore her, and all her crap.
Today the kids and I went to see the Dalai Lama. He spoke here in Honolulu today. I loved hearing him speak. Even better was listening to my kids talk about what they heard him say. I have some smart kids!
Anyway, what I took away from what I heard today from the Dalai Lama was to love EVERYONE, even our enemies. Forgive, but don't forget. You get what you give. And he spoke about perspective. And I realized that is what detachment is, putting things into perspective.
The Dalai Lama spoke about how when we focus on a problem it obscures our whole field of vision. But if we back away and look at the problem differently, further away and from a different angle we can see that the problem isn't as big or horrible as we thought.
He is a pretty funny guy. Told a few funny stories.
Anyway, I will continue to detach, get my house ready to sell, but I'm not filing any paperwork. The lawyer I spoke to told me that at this point I gain nothing by filing now. She said keep all my financial records. If the house gets under contract, she says that is when I need to get more serious.
I still want to be/feel more separated from my H. He still wants to act like all is okay, 'til we go to bed in our serarate bedrooms. I spent a lot of time away from him this weekend. And right now, this very minute, I feel him trying to feel closer to me. Sharing meaningful glances over a TV show we are watching together. He asked me to watch TV with him. But made sure I knew he was calling OW, asked for a few minutes.....
I am just going to keep playing things by ear. Op Feral Cat will be going on here, too.
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
