I am working on patience. Clearly I need a lot of it to get through this. My fearful inner-child wants to be reassured that everything will be all right. I desperately want to use this time to learn and grow and become the whole person that God intended me to be. I hate that I give so much energy to something that is out of my control. I'm definitely someone who likes all my ducks in a row. I don't like to leave anything to chance. It's too scary. This is one of my target areas. It's pretty exhausting being me. So I'm left wondering, in my marriage what came first? Did I pick up where my husband left off or did he feel a lack of control because I took care of everything? I just know that I resented having to taking care of the home front without any help from him. He was too busy building his career. In the meantime my world became pretty small. I'm paying for that big time now.
