Yankeeeee! That's great!! He HUGGED YOU!! I'm soooo jealous! My LL is physical touch and when H hugged me last week (a total of 2 hugs in 9 mos!!) I was secretly thrilled!
Keep it up! GAL and detaching w love is working for both u n ur R! I'm so proud of you! Hang in there!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I did have a great day - thank you! Overall yes, I'd say it is a positive direction, so I'm wondering how come I feel like I've somehow screwed up. I have no idea why I feel that way.
I was definitely self-contained during the lunch, yet friendly and communicative. I wasn't overly warm (guarded heart) - maybe that is what I feel I screwed up over. Gosh - it's like walking a tight rope!!
He did bring me a news article that he knew I'd like - so that was good of him to do. I gave him some greek food I picked up yesterday, and he accepted it - the first thing he accepted from me in 4 months!
The other good news is that he agreed to come over on Saturday to help sort through our belongings in prep for my move next week. Some things do belong to his mother and so he wants to safeguard them for storage.
I also asked him to be around for the move day itself, which he partially agreed to. It is going to be a big day because we have things that belong to the neighbor, things to go into storage and things to take with me - so there are a few directions that need to be managed.
When I got home, I called him to thank him for coming over and we chatted for 45 minutes about bits and pieces.
His birthday is this week now. I have decided to deliver my gift to him personally - by leaving it on the steps.
Doesn't sound to me like you screwed up at all. Must have had lots of bittersweet moments with your family and your H but you did good. I would give my left arm for a good hug!!
That is good he is bring you an article that means he was thinking of you on his own. Glad he is helping you move that is a big thing also.
Keep on doing what you are doing you are getting good results.
Thank you Vero!! I thank God for DB - and for all the forum here. Everyone's experiences are REALLY teaching me a lot about life and relationships, and I am ever so grateful.
Hugs are lovely
I will be praying for everyone here tonight so you can have extra energy to keep on trucking
I'm happy to hear that he hugged you and pulled you back in. I'm jealous! I need to do your DB moves!!!!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
To recap on my activities that seem to be working:
- giving him space as he requested. - NO initiating any contact (unless for practical purposes) - no crazy outbursts of love - no outbursts at all - pure friendly communication - looking attractive at all times when he is around -if something shitty happens, I overlook it and don't make a big deal of it. - read 1001 books, including DB and Solo Partner - Coach for support - What I am enjoying the most is getting on with my life in so many ways - moving, nurturing my friendships, exercising (which I did anyway), having many outings, improving and focussing on my career, feeling happy inside myself about my own self and feeling secure about where I am headed in my life.
My 180's - no outbursts - no leaning on my H for help with things I can easily do myself - overlooking things that would bother me in the past - a true focus on my career and friendships - moving home - just a general attitude of taking control of my life which is having very positive psychological effects and I feel like I am lightening up.
Ultimate Life Goal: Reinforce my personal identity whilst in a relationship.
In addition, I visualized my heart feeling happy and agreeing with myself to accept that no matter how it may happen, I will feel content and secure - I just have to trust myself and God (the universe, the Light etc).
other 180's in connection with control:
- never ask where he is, what he is doing - don't offer him more information than he needs about me - do not tell him what to do or how to do it (unless he asks) - listen to what he says and feedback to him directly (proper listening skills) - be honest about where I stand (assertive) AND DO NOT shove it down his throat, become defensive, persuasive or argumentative -if he got defensive, I questioned how I was delivering my message and tried in a different way and apologized for my delivery. - I stopped complimenting him (could be interpreted as a pursuing behavior). A coincidence maybe but I noticed he started to state things he noticed changed about me (haircut, new eyeshadow, little things).
Ok - If I think of any others, I'll let y'all know.
