First, as hard as it is, you have to take one day at a time. With time, with detachement, and with distance, you may be able to identify cracks that you perhaps were not aware of, or wouldn't let yourself see. That is just life. It doesn't justify how your H handled things, the hurt he has put you and his family through.
Secondly, as much as you want this to be all over, in most cases, it is just beginning. You have to batten down the hatches for the long haul, whatever that may bring. Painful, but honest.
Lastly, there is no deficit in your character for having seen something in your H that you now feel is lacking. The person you are dealing with now is NOT that person. Being able to see all the good in a person, their potential, etc., can never be a bad thing. You have probably been the more emotionally strong partner in this relationship all along. You just don't/won't give yourself the credit you deserve.
