Thx, Accuray. I have that book but haven't started reading it yet. I needed a break from the marriage analysis for a while, and just enjoyed dropping into others' posts, and getting out and enjoying life in general. I'll have to take a look into it, though what you're saying is not off from my perspective at all.
I did some web searches on "what is intimacy to men" and it came up with some different things, specifics on the differences between men and women. Like women prefer to lean in and look the other person in the eye when talking, men don't; women like to talk about feelings and personal stuff, men hide their feelings and talk about sports; men focus on physical touch because they have less sensitive "feelers" so they need more touch to compensate; men consider doing things together (going to a movie) intimacy, even if no substantive conversation is had.
I understand this can differ with everyone, but you seem so in-tuned. Plus, you speak more here in a week that my H says in a year (to me, anyway.) When I asked him what intimacy was to him, he said he didn't know. And it didn't bother him that he didn't know, and least based on no follow-up research, no pursuit. And this knowing that lack of intimacy is a big problem for me.
So anyway, I really appreciate your answering. I don't think it's something I can use as a substitute answer for my H, unfortunately. It's really an odd thing how couples match up with such seemingly incompatible relationship differences.
