She assured me there is no OM and I believe her. She said she just wants to be alone for a while to figure out what she wants.
WHY do you believe her at this point? Your wife has lied to you repeatedly since beginning her affair, and people IN affairs tend to lie in order to protect the emotional "fix" they get from it.
Trust must be EARNED, Hoser, and your wife has done absolutely NOTHING to earn your trust recently. There's nothing that says you can't still LOVE her (you obviously do), or that you shouldn't fight for your marriage (you should!) . . . but to naively state "she told me there is no OM and I believe her," after reading the first part of your post, just blew me away.
After studying literally thousands of affairs over the past several years, I've really only seen one of two ways work effectively when it comes to the whole "trust" thing. Either get proof of their infidelity, or just operate on the assumption that she is NOT telling you the truth, and that there IS still contact with OM going on. And then operate accordingly.
You said you don't have kids. Any nephews, or teenagers or young men that you are close to? Try to read your post above with an outsider's eye, and ask yourself: if this were my beloved nephew, and he came to me with this problem, how would I advise him?
You are too emotionally attached to be planning effectively. It's OK to HAVE emotions, but you shouldn't be basing your STRATEGY or your PLAN on them. Now is no time to lead with your heart . . . that's what your wife did, that got her into this mess. Now is a time to lead with your HEAD.
