New Here - I need help on this unexpected journey

[needgrace]

Hi golf mom, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. At the beginning of my situation, my W told me so many things that I needed to change.. and I thought that as I changed each of those things, she would feel differently and come back. But the list kept growing. Finally, I realized that it was not really about those things and that no matter what I did, she would keep running away.

I believe that the things she told me were her attempt to not feel guilty. I don't think she was doing it consciously, I think she believed them all. And there were enough grains of truth in each of them that I would run after them like crazy, thinking it would change things between us.

Please don't beat yourself up. After running after all the "changes" I needed to make, I ended up feeling really badly about myself. I am now in the midst of trying to separate the fact from fiction, appreciate the good things I know about myself and work on the things I need to do to be a better me. I can not control my W's (MLC) journey, only mine.

I also learned that the vets on here truly know what they are talking about. When I am able to follow their kind advice, I feel better, become stronger and the freight train to D seems to slow a bit. (My W moved out of state without filing papers.)

And there is still and will always be hope as long as you want to hope! big hugs to you.


Me (f): 51 W: 41
T: 10 M: 7
ILYBINILWY: 7/11
Moved out: 10/11
Moved back in: 11/11 moved out again and asked for divorce 7 days later
W wants to work on things and "feels confident" we can: 1/12
Decision to move across country: Three weeks later
W moves out of state: 4/12/12