After reading both the Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy books, and also watching the Marriage Breakthrough videos, I realize how many mistakes I have made over the past years.
My wife and I were very active. We had lots of fun and would go on date nights at least twice per month almost our entire marriage. We have amazing chemistry (in her words) and our sex life was pretty consistent. We have two beautiful children who are the delight of our lives.
I own a company and have a very busy schedule. My wife has a part time job (regular work), and has traditionally handled more of the taking care of the children and home affairs. We have a nanny and a housekeeper on the days my wife is at work (several times per week). Though, kids are messy and we still have to cleanup. Though, I don't believe my wife or I have have cleaned a bathroom, vacuumed, or things like that in many years.
Interesting enough, when watching the Marriage Breakthrough video where Michelle talks about the differences between men and women, I think my wife and I have the opposite roles. I feel that, in our marriage I was the great communicator and the nag. I think my wife had a difficult time sharing her thoughts and feelings and was more reserved.Being a business owner and a natural troubleshooter, one of my "more of the same" behaviors was explaining things over and over and over and over in 100's of different ways. I know bad right?
Also, I can be quite critical. I tend to analyze things and fall into a rut. In my job this is what I do all day. Sadly, like a fool, I let this carry into my marriage. Things I was particularly picky about was being late, having a schedule, and whats the plan. It's not like I wasn't spontaneous, I love having no plans as I get enough of that at work and its nice to just "be" on the weekends and vacations. My particular flavor is more of when we have commitments to others, a reservation (movie, play, dinner), etc. Being late for these always made my feel like I was being rude to others and I could get upset and express my frustration (more of the same).
Also, I didn't realize it before, but I think my wife may has been getting burned out in life. She had a hysterectomy about a year ago. I feel that my wife has always dreamed about being a mother since she was very little. She has told me this and her actions in the past support that. I don't want to assume anything, but I wonder if she is looking for whats next in life for her. My wife is usually not very talkative. She has told me for years that she doesn't like to go to parties without me, as she needs me to do the talking to break the ice with people because she says she isn't good at it. In the past 6 months or so I have seen her really get out there and connect with many of the mothers from our children's school. Ladies night, trips, etc.
In my heart I have been really excited about some of these changes and I didn't actually get scared for it, it was a welcome change. While I feel that I was mostly supportive of these activities, I know I made mistakes. Sometimes she would schedule these activities back to back and I would feel left out. I would feel disappointed that she wouldn't want to spend time with me, or with me and the kids, and/or invite me to more of these activities. A few times I would make comments like "maybe I should go out that night instead". Like a fool, this isn't how I felt but this would be my reaction.
I know that marriage problems take two, but no one but myself put me where I stand. I take responsibility for my actions, of which I am not proud of all of them.
When my wife told me she wanted a separation she was completely convinced that while she loved me and was attracted to me, that I can't change. She says she has seen me improve myself over the years and thinks I am one of the most amazing people she has ever met. Though, she has had enough and is concerned that if she were willing to try and work on things that "she can't take it one more time".
