the path is the goal...

[cat04]

Zig,

My story is long and complex. I used DB once to reconcile my M, and once to survive it.

My X is a MLCer, which is a very different ball of wax than a straight forward WAS.

It was my choice to stop standing, I still DB, in all areas of my life. The tools that I learned here are very useful in dealing with people and myself in general.

I have also been around for a very long time. That being said, some things changed in the books, DB to DR. Going dark in DB is the LRT in DR. LRT in DB is After the LRT in DR. So some of us very oldtimers, refer to the terms a bit differently than the newer vets and it can create confusion. However, what Kaffe and I were talking about really is the same thing, just with a different name.

I liked his version of using the LRT, not engaging but participating in a conversation if you want to. Kinda going dim...which is about all you can achieve with children involved.

Anyway, the bottom line is that you have to do what works for you.

One thing I see in your posts is that you are trying to figure out why he is doing this or saying that in relation to your M.

At this point, that itself is making you crazy. We have all done it. Part of getting yourself through this is coming to a point where you don't worry so much about his reactions, you don't base what you want to do on what he may or may not be doing, whether he may or may not be coming back.

I think this business of yours is a wonderful idea. Definately something to pursue, regardless of what he thinks. Yes, it will probably take you time to really start earning, then again, you may be the next overnight success. You won't know until you try, and let's be honest, you probably knew not to expect boatloads of money right away, but you were EXCITED about it until he shot you down.

If you are excited about it, be excited, regardless of what he thinks.

I saw you minimizing it based on what he said.

That is the kind of thinking you need to eradicate.

I am excited for you. I love the idea of handmade (machine made) items that are not mass production. Get your pictures, put them on a craft selling site, in a store and see what happens.

That is a GAL activity.

And a selfesteem boosting activity.

And possibly a profitable activity.

Focus on you, what you can do to improve your life.

I am in and out most of the time anymore but I will keep checking on you.

Read other peoples threads, post to them, especially people whose sitch's resonate with you. Start making friends and building a support system of people who can understand what you are going through.

Cat