Not sure where to start, Part 2

[wishing, hoping]

Can't sleep. Feeling so dark right now. I am so tired of this roller coaster and I am having so much trouble detaching. I just keep replaying the bomb over and over in my head like a tape player and I can't seem to shut it off.

I made an appointment to see my doctor and talk to her about my situation. I told my counselor I was having some trouble focusing and he thought it might be a good idea to see the doctor. It isn't easy for me to reach out and ask for help but I need it right now. I cannot do this alone.

I just think back to the end of last year when all the problems started with H and his family. How angry he was, even at me. He told me he knew back in October the marriage was over but didn't say anything until February. He said his feelings were gone after his emotional breakdown and he just couldn't get them back. I am just so angry that he never even tried. Never asked for help, never said anything, never wanted counseling. Almost like he was looking for reasons to end it. I know believe none of what they say and only half of what they do, but H is the king of mind games. And my mind is not focusing well at the moment.

I am so thankful for this site and it's support team.