I always like to say that my momma always tolla me... if you can't say something good, then don't say anything... but my momma never tolla me that...
Say what you mean and mean what you say, but if you have something that you want to say because you feel hurt and you want to hurt your H... then don't say it. It will feel good in the moment, but then you may regret it later, or at best... it really had no lasting, intrinsic benefit...
What you did say, appears like it helped... so chalk the positive and let it lie...
If we talk pure DB, and the mods and some others will point out that us board members, and even the mods, are NOT the experts... but the DB coaches and MWD herself, are...
So when we talk DB techniques, ALWAYS refer to the DB/DR bibles... and follow them...
having said that, I believe that MWD wrote in DR that each sitch is unique and one technique may work for some and not for others AND that they are also guidelines and some things, like LRT are OK to modify to suit your needs... I could be wrong, but I believe she says that...
So, LRT as described in the book may work for you, but you may get better value out of a slight modification of it...
first though, you need a basis in which to gauge results...
do, observe, adjust, do...
If you do not see any discernible results, there are a few possibilities for that... either there really were no results... or there were results that you just can't see, yet (which is why TIME is important... consistency over time...) or... it is possible that you are looking for results in the wrong gauge...
So as you mention above that you did not think LRT or dim was working for you... when you thought about it, you came to a realization that there were results... you just were looking out the wrong window at first, looking for them...
Maybe you don't know what you want in the big picture... maybe your goals have changed... just because we choose to stand NOW... does not mean we have to... or will want to... tomorrow... or six months from now... and it's OK to change our goals and our minds...
Be more precise with your goals if that might help. Rather than saying, "I want to R with my H." You might say, "I want H and I to talk about s on a regular basis and I do not want to argue with H in a way that I feel so frustrated that I yell."
Those little goals are quite measurable. As you find a way to achieve those goals and as you achieve your small goals, you will feel better about yourself and the sitch. And those little goals are likely taking you towards your big goal, even if you had not yet been able to articulate what that big goal is.
Hope that makes sense.
And again... Do what works... stop what doesn't... do something for at least two weeks before measuring results if you see positive results, keep doing it... and if you see negative results... stop doing it... anything in between? Well, you decide whether you want to keep doing those things that may be having no effect towards your goals.
