Wednesday morning while my wife and I were getting ready for work she suddenly turned to me and said she thinks we should try separating for awhile. She said that she loves and cares for me but is no longer IN love with me. Needless to say I was stunned and have been in a tailspin ever since.

A little info about my situation...I'm 31 and my W is 29, no kids. We have been married for 9 years at the end of may and together for 11 years. We were both very young when we got married and she actually moved from her parents house in with me. We have had our ups and downs but generally I thought we've been very happy. She told me that I am a great guy and a wonderful husband and that several of her friends have commented before on how lucky she is.

Our problems started a few months ago. She started a new job last year and we also made some lifestyle changes to get into shape. In the last year we have both lost a lot of weight and are now in the best shape of our lives. My W has been the happiest and most confident I've seen her in years. At the same time she was starting to get a lot of attention from the guys she works with (and guys in general) and spending a lot of time out with friends from work. In Feb I started to get a little jealous and insecure about her newfound lifestyle and started to suspect that something was going on with a guy from work. I confronted her about it and she denied it. She was angry that I was 'snooping' on her and told me that I needed to get my insecurity under control or she would leave me.

Not much changed and in early March I discovered the truth. I was still suspicious of something going on. She was constantly on her phone, always telling me she had to work late but actually going out with friends from work. One evening I got into her phone (despite her having installed a password) and I found some explicit texts between her and a guy she works with. I only read a few of them before I confronted her. I was upset and confused and she swore to me it never went any further then the texts. She cried, she said she regretted everything and that she was so sorry that she ruined our trust. She said attention from this guy made her feel good and that it just got carried away.

In the weeks that followed we had some very open and honest talks and things started going really well. I forgave her and she cut off all contact with the OM. Whenever he attempted contact she would tell me and I honestly believe that it is over between them. Everything seemed to improve. We had sex more frequently, our affection went way up, we kissed and hugged more, we talked more and we both admitted that the last month has been the happiest in years. She still goes out with her friends from work a lot and though I had some residual trust issues I worked very hard. Freeing myself of my jealousy and insecurities. Then wednesday happened...

She told me she hasn't felt in love with me for several years and that she doesn't know if she ever will again. She said since she got married so young she never had a chance to discover who she really was. She went right from being a daughter to being a wife and now she was confused about what she wants from life. She said she wants to try being on her own for a while and try to figure things out. I understand how she feels but I was still shocked. We took possession of a house today and had spent the last few months making plans to renovate it to be our dream home. As recently as last sunday we were picking out paint colors and bedding. We even bought a new king size bed. We have 7 weeks until we have to be out of our condo and she wants me to move into the house now while she stays at the condo. I have been in the spare room the last few nights and will be moving my things to the house tomorrow.

I'll admit that when she told me I fell apart. I cried and told her I would be a better man and husband. She assured me I was not the problem. I understand now that my insecurities and jealousy in the last few months have made her lose respect for me. The next morning I immediately started a 180. I put on a strong face, we had a very open conversation and I told her that I still love her and think that we can regain what we've lost. I told her I will respect that she wants space and that I would leave. In private I've been a mess. I've barely slept or eaten in two days. I spent the day at the new house starting to demo and I have to say destroying something felt good smile It feels odd to be working on what was to be our home now that I'm not sure she even wants to live in it with me. I decided today that I would pull away completely and focus all my energy on myself. I will rebuild myself while I rebuild our house. I think having something to focus on will help me get through. I'm working on getting out with friends more and trying to show that I'm strong and ready to move forward regardless of what she decides.

We spoke briefly this evening. I asked her to really take the next seven weeks to consider what it is she will be giving up. I asked her not to rush into anything she will regret and I made it clear that if we separate I plan on trying to move on. I tried to explain that her losing her romantic feelings for me is common in a relationship the length of ours. I know that what we have is rare and our friends agree. I also know that if we work at it we can regain the spark. She assured me there is no OM and I believe her. She said she just wants to be alone for a while to figure out what she wants.

So there it is...three days in and I'm moving out already. Am I handling this correctly? I plan on keeping my distance and not contacting her, to let her come to me when or if she is ready. I am going to focus on myself. I'm continuing to work out and improve myself. I'm working on my jealousy and insecurity. I even have an appointment to get porcelain veneers to fix my crooked teeth. I've always been self conscious about them and figured now is he time to take care of my needs. I've spent 9 years doing everything for her and I think I need to use this time apart to do some things just for me. I love her more then anything in this world and I will do anything to keep my marriage and rebuild our relationship. Do I still have reason to hope? It doesn't seem like she has made up her mind yet, she just seems lost and confused. It's hard seeing her like this knowing nothing I say will fix it... Any advice for a guy who is at the lowest point of his life?