Hunny this is what we call backslides.....don't worry about it. What's done is done and I don't think you did anything to make it worse. Starting the divorce process really drudges up emotions you thought you had under control. You're up, you're down, you want them back, you don't ever want to see them again. you're neutral, and you're in a fog. Let it go, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong, because you did speak from your heart when you said that. That's how you feel right now and that's ok.
Right now you're really feeling guilty and you're overwhelmed with what you feel you did to contribute to him leaving. I completely understand.
Ok....I have done that and spent many months stuck in that place...guilt, trying to figure out what I did so wrong, trying to figure out WHY he did this, and WHAT I DID TO CAUSE IT. Well let me tell you something. With the wisdom and support of some great people here, and lots and lots of reading, I finally learned, IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. I didn't cause him to make the choices he did. That this truly was all about him, but he's making the choice to actually make it all about me and what I've done to him. It took time for me to get there, but I did. You will too. Its only normal and natural for these emotions to come over you.
I too was blamed for finances and him being the breadwinner, when the man and I had orginally agreed I stay at home when we had children. DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR STAYING AT HOME AND RAISING YOUR CHILDREN....You did your children a wonderful thing and your husband as well. You are a good mom and CEO of your home. I think being a SAHM is one of the most important jobs anyone could have, but never ever to critcize working moms, cause now Im a working mom too and now you are as well!
Him going back and criticizing you for something you both originally agreed on and were happy with is dirty pool, mean and nasty. Believe me I got it too..lots of criticizing for not getting a " real job" when xh first encouraged me to do daycare in our home so I we could afford our new rental and still be here with the kids. A while later, I was a loser, and wouldnt get off my butt and get a real job according to him.
Try to be objective and stand back. How does that make any sense? What sense does it make to totally agree with something that's as important as raising your children, and then turn around years later and criticize YOU for doing it? Especially when you did the all the work?
MLCers are completely irrational, and are mean when they're out to justify themselves.
Your sitch/H seem a bit similar in some things, so I may get on my soap box from time to time!
