Stuck in Holding Pattern

[ben11]

Thanks for stopping but Busto. I really appreciate your insight. As crappy as my situation is, I'm glad to know I'm handling it in a way that at least gives me a chance for R.

I will definitely try remember to sub 'unsafe' with 'disrespected' if/when we discuss this again. I know she knows how I feel about it. I guess she just needs to decide if our chances of ever having that connection is worth throwing away whatever she currently has, or wants with OM.

(I said something like, WTF, why are we even here then, I didn't come here for more of this, and the therapist had to settle me down).

I did something pretty much to this extent last night too. I asked her if our connection is so bad and it was obviously good with OM, why isn't she with him now. I think she kinda shrugged and MC said "WHOA. Lets have a do-over on that one". I don't regret it. I even told her that parts of me wishes she just went ahead to find out what she had with OM if. I'm used to the pain, whats a bit more. MC wasn't too fond of my approach there.

Call it losing control of my emotions, call it whatever you will. I don't regret it. I am actually kind of appalled that she's even in MC, with this guy still in the picture, when she knows how I feel about it. I asked her to leave the night I found proof of them. Why would I not care now?

I'm gonna let it sit here over the weekend, but I certainly need to figure some stuff out. With me planning to move at the end of May, there will be a lot of things we'll need to sort out. We discussed the possibility of her helping me find a place, as well as how we'd divide our stuff if not. Either way, this is going to come soon, so I need to start preparing for that. If you, or anyone else has some suggestions, please fire away.