I'm still on moderation but.... I found a text conversation with a coworker. benign for now, but she triggered the last episode a couple years ago too. She is desperately attaching herself to married men. She's the type who friends everyone she ever met for a second on facebook. She reeks of desperation but given an opportunity of someone who listens and jokes around, vs someone who is on their case, I'd go with the fun person too. I brought it up to him and asked him if he felt that I don't give him enough attention. HE is not cheating. I am relieved over that. It's hard to not talk to people although at some point we will have a chat over what people, activities are beneficial to our marriage. I'm letting this one slide even though my thoughts are more like call her and chew her out. He will have to stop on his own accord. I realize that it's up to him who he wants to communicate with, and I can't ban every single female from his life!
He FINALLY communicated to me and said that he was overwhelmed. He's got job that keeps him busier than he wants, he's desperately looking for work in a new field, we've got our S who is not in day care (we split our time with him while both juggling full time schedules), he's got a few side projects (all career related) going on, and he feels like he doesn't have the energy or want to put the effort into the marriage. I told him that I don't need him to make a big effort - just show up! It seems like he is taking his 'to-do' list and trying to eliminate the one that seems the easiest to get rid of, but doesn't take into account the ongoing problems eliminating the marriage will cause. I mentioned that I want him to tell me if he needs me to take kiddo for few hours, I'd be glad to. If I'm being too repetitive, to tell me! If I am doing something that makes him unhappy, then I need to know so I can rectify it if I can (Sometimes I hear myself sounding like my mom and I NEVER wanted that!) However, I did say that the marriage is important. It's important enough for me to fight for it, and it's important for me, our S, and our family (meaning me, H and S) although I understand where he is coming from.
I got off the phone with him at this point. I sensed a bit of relief in his voice after telling me his frustrations and wanted to leave it on a good note. I want us to be better communicators, but I can't sit there and keep pounding my POV in his head as I've done for 2 months before.
In the meantime, I've adjusted my schedule to be home more to alleviate some stress. I also have made my GAL list of things that I want to do and published them where my friends/family can see them. I'm going to do activities that are just for me and kiddo can come too. That leaves me less stressed as well without having to worry about childcare.
However, I did say that the marriage is important. It's important enough for me to fight for it, and it's important for me, our S, and our family (meaning me, H and S) although I understand where he is coming from.