I'm really glad that you did that for your H about the flowers and judging from how it went it probably made you feel a lot better about the situation as well.
Yes it did Bill, thanks for that
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It doesn't have much to do with the 'friend'. I'm not so young (anymore) nor naive to think this other person is the answer to all my prayers. HARDLY!
This sounds almost word for word what my W said about the OM when I called her on it, it's like it could be a script ;-)
Really? Oh dear me!
Truth of truth, I would prefer to be with my H (of course) but someone else who pays attention and makes me feel a little special will do for the time being. If I didn't get any feedback, it's like living in the world without any mirrors to know who you are, what you look like.
My H rarely paid me compliments. I mean, he would say things like, "I admire the way you think," and "That dress looks good on you." Or, if I'd complain, he'd say, "But I touch you don't I?" Only once in 17 years together did he tell me I was beautiful - mind you everyone else did! But not my H. I even said to him at some point, "I need you to tell me I'm beautiful." He finally said it to me two days later in the most forced way you could imagine. Did I compliment him - OH YES! Like all the time.
So, I think deep down I just want to be single after all this and enjoy myself being single, and just focus on my career and throw my energy into something that will give something back to me (my career).
I've spent too much mental and emotional energy on keeping my head above water in this situation of mine, and I think I deserve to be happy now.
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YC, I wouldn't think any less of you if you did throw the towel in - 2 years is a hell of a long time to be stuck in limbo. I question my staying power sometimes & it's only been 2 months for me.
Thanks. Yeah, it's not easy for me to just give up. I keep trying to get myself to give it up, and I wish I could. I want to actually!! Arghhh!
It does get hard at times Bill. Expect it - there will be doubts along the way.
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I think I'll have a completely different outlook on my sitch if I do move out. At the moment, things are good at home for me (superficially at least), my kids are happy, me and my W get on great & we are having lots of incredible sex. But I'd be lying to myself if I thought that was enough, emotionally it's just not there between us yet. This is hardly surprising as at the moment the plan is still to separate in May, so I'm pretty much a friend with benefits to my W, she is not committed to our R and doesn't wear her rings anymore.
I had that situation with my H as well last year. It is hard work when they don't get that they too need to do some work, and that R's don't just grow off of trees. I'm sorry to report being a friend w/benefits doesn't work. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't work.
I'm beginning to think that maybe just moving on all together is really the only answer. Let them sit and wonder by themselves what is a good R, and only then will they maybe wake up a bit.
Are we being too nice Bill?
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I think this shows how far I've come in such a short space of time, that on paper, I'm only one part of a relationship short (well 2 if you throw the trust in there) & it's not enough for me anymore.
You have come a long way, and you have learned so much about human behavior/expectations/what makes a R work. You are well armed for the future, no matter what happens.
My H hasn't told me anything about any OW/EA, but knowing his track record, it's kind of expected. I don't know if it's better to not have that confirmed, or to have it confirmed.
I sometimes wonder if this whole 'DB program' is simply a way for us LBS's to get our self-esteem back together, and then if the R falls in line then great! If not, at least you have an important part of yourself back.
