oh, forgot to give you my thoughts on your questions... ALSO, him ASKING his parents for a loan... to set up the house...???
That is a HUGE difference than them stepping in and saying, "here. here is a house because you should be moving on and starting your own life and having a 'home' for s."
Can you see how it is different?
Don't be stuck on your H saying "we"... it could just be a language thing he's stuck on... I tried to use inclusive "we" language with my W in relation to things and a) it never caught on with her (which is fine, because it was somewhat manipulation even though my intentions WERE good), and b) I chose to stop saying we... because I think my W saw it as pursuing...
Anyhow, either way your H will likely stop using it... and when he does... you will probably notice and then post here that your H isn't saying "we" any more and how it upset you...
Just a heads up, if you will...
You could have told your H that you prefered to have him move back, but then that can be seeing as pursuing behaviour and does go against LRT and the 37 rules...
When in LRT, punitive actions and language could be seen by your H as pursuing behaviour, which goes against LRT... "How", you ask? Because it is attached to emotion, which your H will hear, and then he will presume that you still have feelings for him... and he then could come to the conclusion that you still love him and are playing some game of manipulation and control to win him back...
The WAS keeps testing the waters... as the LBS will temp check the WAS... to see if the other is still emotionally attached... the WAS spouse sees that the LBS is still there, in case they (the WAS) decides to return... being detached has to be complete and 100%, or they will know, or they will THINK that you are still available... and still pursuing them...
Boundaries may become very important, here. Would you be "friends" with someone who would treat you, the way your H is treating you? And I am not saying he IS or IS NOT treating you bad... or good... I'm asking because that is how you should be deciding whether you would be "friends" (not necessarily "good" friends) with him... Otherwise, darker is good, if it protects you from any emotional fallout...
As much as he probably wants space... he probably WILL be pained and uncomfortable if he believes you are gone from him... that is not going to suddenly mean that he's emotionally done with you... and while it scares many to do LRT because they feel the other spouse will just move on with their lives... it is visible, time and again... if the WAS wants out... they go... no question... but if they are hesitant or never push... LRT does not send them packing...
