cat mentions going dark and a lot of people question that when there are kids. Actually, it IS possible to go 100% dark, but you need a mediator or friend / third party to do that with kids.
There are also ways to go dark and I think LRT covers them, along with the 37 rules, that allow you to go quite "dim" but not dark. Meaning that you don't start conversations, but then you don't avoid or ignore them if they are started by your H and do not revolve around the kids. That's how I did dark with my W, I did NOT engage in conversations that did not have to do with the kids or the separation agreement...
There were some instances where I did engage, and those generally backfired into spew from my W.
It all depends on your H, but he may lash out at you through LRT or he may mirror you and you'll feel like he's really leaving, once and for all... either way, stay LRT until your emotions are balanced. That's what it's about. You pick things up on the other side... but emotional reactions during this time could likely add fuel and send your H emotionally into space.
If you understand the dynamic in your H's family, then understand that he is / was playing two roles, probably for some time or possibly for the entire time you have known him.
One face being the one he showed you... the other the face he showed his family... neither the two would meet... perhaps you saw some of that as he would say something to you regarding his family, then would behave and say something different while you were all over there...
At this time, his loyalties are more likely strong(er) towards his family... and that... will spit you out faster than you can blink... so do not interfere with that... it will otherwise quite likely burn you...
So, read up on the LRT technique. The DR book spells it out quite well. Remember this is TEMPORARY, while you work out your own emotions...
Honestly... I was LRT for probably 6 months at least... I'm still not 100% engaged or detached... but I AM much, much less reactive... approaching 10% or less...
