The Space Between...

[purgatory]

H has been tinkering in the garage with woodwork- I'm actually glad he's found an outlet for his energy. HOWEVER- I found a ring that he crafted. It was small enough to fit my finger. That night I also found a matching man's ring (it was bigger and wider). I didn't go into the garage snooping- but all his projects were laid out on the workbench and I was impressed with them.

(I couldn't hold my mouth shut) when I asked him about them, I got some BS about selling them online- and when I told him to stop lying to me, he admitted that he would like to give it to OW, but he's not ready for that step yet (as if that was supposed to make me feel better.) After an hour talking, I cried like I haven't done since the bomb. I even hid in my car b/c it's the only place he wouldn't be able to hear me.

Other things I heard in our talk:
- Love is not a choice, and you can never convince me otherwise.
- We had a relationship, now it's done- that should be the end of it.
- People are capable of change, but there are certain things that you will never be able to change and those are what will keep me from loving you again. (when I said that these things obviously didn't matter 9 years ago) he said: "I was wrong 9 years ago."
- Moving on is easier with someone next to you .(I asked why he couldn't even try to heal/ find his happiness alone) He said he shouldn't have to of there's something available.

So with all of this rolling around in my head all night, I'm coming to the conclusion that I need to just give up. This guy has been gone for a while and I was to stupid to realize that there is nothing I can do about it.

I just can't see that someone would ever have a change of heart after all this. In only 5 months he has: gotten a lawyer, drawn up separation papers, changed his Will, moved out, made matching rings for himself and OW, an is willing to break the rules to keep up communication with her.