Why do I feel like I'm starting all over with DBing since the conversation with H the other night? I'm getting the urge to snoop and see what I find. (Don't worry, I won't, but I want to)
I've been thinking (probably too much) about the conversation and trying to pull out things he said that I'd never heard before. It seems strange to me that he never once said he loved OW or defended her. He told me she wasn't the reason he wanted to leave, which I don't believe totally. I mean, having her around gives him a quicker reason to exit in my book.
Anyway, I'm working on moving on from the conversation, and continuing with my plan. It's been hard for whatever reason. It kinda felt like the bomb drop all over again, but I recovered a little quicker. Does this happen with everyone?
In doing one of the tasks suggested by my coach, I left my H a note yesterday when I left for work (he was at a dr appt). The note just said I hope he got good news from the dr about his knee, and no matter what the results were, he was not in this alone, and that I loved him. I used to leave notes like this ALL the time...a LOOOOONNNNGGG time ago. When I got home, the note was nowhere in sight, and he didn't mention it. Didn't bother me too much, but I did think How rude! LOL
Then this morning I get a text message from him saying have a good day; he hopes my back doesn't give me much trouble today, he ended it with Love you! I guess I can look at that as a positive, but then I remember he still wants to leave, and I wonder why he's sending messages like this.
I know I can only control me, and I've been doing really good about working on me. But I guess that conversation shook me more than I thought it would. I told him I understood he wanted to leave, and while I didn't want him too, I wouldn't stop him.
I'm committed to trying what my coach (and fig) said, and for two days in; where for once I'm actually following directions (LOL) I think I'm doing okay. Need to go back and re-read my notes. Maybe get some new ideas. Again, I'm trying to remain positive, but I'm not getting much back from my H. Doesn't bother me as much, but there's more work to be done in the detachment area for sure. But I am better than I used to be.
