Trying to erase her past

[missmyfriend]

We were together for 20 years, married for 18 years and have a lot of history, of course. I'm really curious about something that my youngest (now 15) said to me yesterday.

My "wife" stopped by to discuss a serious issue with my middle child (17) who wants to drop out of school (he is extremely bright and was a honor student up until 2 years ago and is also just shy of being an Eagle scout). Divorce has really affected out three children negatively.

Anyway, I still have my wife's cat. He's a youthful 14 and very affectionate. She loved him a lot. She usually ignores him if she happens to stop by, which is rare. She avoids coming over to my house or seeing me altogether. I never bring up our marriage, the divorce, or anything else, except the kids. I don't act like I am pining for her and I even try to make her laugh.

Anyway, the only things or people in her life that she has
"kept" in her life are our three children. When she left, she didnt see them like she should have. Even in the divorce details, and the kids dont know this, she only wanted them every other weekend. About 6 months after we were divorced, she then started to make the kids feel like they had to choose between her and me and would use guilt to motivate them.

Everything and everyone else in her "old" life, she did away with. She ignored the pets she loved, she didnt want her car, she didnt want her house, nearly all of her belongings (she did take ALL of the pictures which is a sore spot with me), and, of course, she didnt want me.

Last night, when my youngest and I were talking about our cat, I said I was surprised how his mom didnt act like she even missed her cat. He said that mom told him that she loves her cat but he is part of her old life and it hurts her to see him and would rather not see him anymore.

I can't help but wonder what is happening with her. She doesn't seem truly happy. She still is carrying more weight than she should and she seems easily frustrated. And overreacts to situations with our children. Im not saying that she isnt justified with her concerns and they arent serious but overreacting will add to problems.

Early on, after she left, she seemed like she HAD to leave me, not that she wanted to leave me. She has always done this with people and things. When she is done with someone or somebody, its like she has to burn bridges.

Another thing she did was to immediately treat the kids like adults (not in a good way) when she left. It really messed our children up (they were 10, 12 and 14 at the time). It has been 5 1/2 years since this all went down.

Any opinions on what she is doing and why?