Last night she called, we talked briefly. I stayed focused, trying to keep an upbeat and confident voice. When the conversation seemed to start dying out I ended it.
I guess if I really knew what she was thinking about our marriage, about me, about her, about our future, I'd feel better. She says a lot of things to keep me at peace. It really doesn't work. She lies a lot. It's easier that way, you know. Instead of feeling the guilt associated with the truth.
I need to just find peace within myself. I need to relax and take it in strides. But I'm a fixer. When something's broken I'm on it to make it work again.
Also, I hate being led on. If she's leading me on until a better time then I would love to know now and leave.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
