Divorce....with a side of crazy...

[imthemom]

again just a venting post....

a few days ago I got the most recent bill from my L...I have been stressed and not really able to sleep since. I dont know how Im going to afford this D. and it makes me really resentfull that I didnt even want this, but I filed for him since he wouldnt and tried to make a quick agreement so it wouldnt cost a fortune and would be over with quickly and now HE is dragging it out and running up my L hours and I dont have any money to pay it. We havent even gone to court yet, which he is pushing towards, and just to pay my bill current Ive been sitting here trying to think what Im going to have to sell to pay for this. I dont really have anything, I have been planning on having a garage sale and its looking like Im going to have to sell some furniture and stuff in my house that I actually need just to get threw this and end it.

I feel like he is trying to destroy me....how is it that HE has an affair, HE walks away from his family and leaves us practically destitute and now HES dragging this out and costing me more money, that I dont have. Again im back to having no food in the house, no money and just beside myself how Im going to support my son and he is having a wonderful time and not the least bit concerned about it at all. Im not even going to get into what we ended up eating for dinner last night ....Im humiliated that at my age Im unable to care for my son and give him what he needs, and mad at myself for letting myself get in this situation.

My S15 is on spring break and is calling me at work asking if I can bring him some food, he is starving (and yes, i get that teenage boys are dramatic...hes not STARVING) but there isnt much food in the house and I mean not even the basics milk bread etc...His D has been rained out at work all week and has he one time came and picked S15 up to spend time with him (that by the way he is demanding in his purposal) took him to lunch, anything??? NO...as a matter of fact he told S15 he had lunch right around the corner at the chines food place yesterday and he didnt bother to call him...

I have one of two choices right now...I either call him and just tell him he can have what ever he wants, just agree to the support and give him everything else...or I can let my L go and finish this with out a L and Im pretty sure his L will drag me threw the coals and ill loose anyway...I understand that my L is asking for him to pay attorney fees but what she is asking for wont even touch what I owe her and its going to be thousands more by the time this is over...on the 2nd we go to court but that is just for TEMPORARY support!!!..He told me he would get an L and drag this out, He was not kidding...

I am terrified , and alone, and feeling like just giving up...its been one thing after another the past month and Im beat down and tired. Ive sat here and really thought If im creating this and making it worse but I dont see that I am, Im being so efing nice to him it makes me sick, Im not being difficult or even talking about anything with him. I tried to come to a simple agreement were he could see his S15 when ever he wanted and end this as soon as possible....I dont know what else I can do so I dont feel like Ive made this more dramatic or harder for him. The bottom line is he wants me to agree to a support amount that is not fair or even possible for us to live on ...but its looking like I might have...with out a L im not sure what I can do...

I hate my life right now...I know when this is all over it has to be better, it cant be any worse but right now, this minute I efing hate it.