Outside the Scope of This Report 4

[WenikiTiki]

Warning: what follows is venting, whining and just crap!
I am actually pretty calm, just need to get this out of my system so I can sleep.

So H and OW were on the phone for about 2 hours this evening. I guess they made up.

Which is good, her emails are annoying. She needs to quit telling me how to move on with my life. I don't understand why she keeps telling me my H hates me, or doesn't care for me, or any of the other meaan stuff she keeps spouting.

And today my H said something about her to me and I said: yesterday you said she was crazy, today everything is fine? I really don't want to hear anymore. Then he goes on to say she is really a redhead. I look confused. She is blond. He explains that she has a bad temper. No honey, she is bat chit crazy! (I kept that thought to myself)

So I told him that I didn't understand why he was so mad about the room switch. He said he had a bad day he was up for 24 hours flying, then she was going nuts and I moved him to a different room.

Well I am sorry it is so much harder to find a flight out of Arkansas back to Hawaii most likely via DC. I'm pretty sure his difficult travel schedule was his own darn fault.

I told him that it was a comfortable room and he certainly couldn't have any complaints about it. He said he likes that it is darker than the master bedroom. But that he still can't find all his stuff.

I said that I hadn't liked waking up in the wrong bed, wrong room, everything changed. He said he doesn't like it either. I didn't say anything, but was thinking really loud. He has made his choices, now I am making mine.

And I said to him that I had just this morning put all my stuff back where it was originally before I moved out in October. And that I was going to enjoy not having to try and remember where my socks were.

He said again he doesn't like things being different. I told him everything was going to be different from now on.

I also told him I didn't like what mean things OW said to me, that for her to call me names is unacceptable. I reminded him I don't call names. And in addition to all the other things I have had to deal with over the years I resent anyone acting like I haven't pulled my fair share of the load.

I reminded my H that I had been the main caregiver for the many years of our boys and their bad asthma. Both boys had breathing treatments 4 times a day for many years. I know where every rest stop was that had electrical outlets so when we traveled I could get a machine running.

I have slept on the floor beside their beds to make sure they were breathing okay, I have done more time at ER's and even now deal with their asthma as adults. My oldest son spent last Christmas in the ER with his asthma. And I was there with him, because he wanted me there. Because he knows I know when to complain and when to sit and wait.

My H was special ops and was gone at least 50% of the time. And when he was around they worked some long hours. They flew a lot of nights and that ment being quiet during the day. So often we would just go out so he could get is crew rest.

A big part in my decision to get out of the reserves was how sickly my kids were. And I was also in a special ops unit, and we all know how that goes.

And to have OW, who was a WAW in her first marriage and who LEFT BEHIND her 9 year old son tell me I an an ungrateful user is just about too much crap. And not to beat a dead horse, but I have worked enough to earn social security benefits. She is 54 and hasn't. It is like she is projecting her bad stuff on me.

I am putting this whole scene in my rearview mirror as soon as I can. I don't know how a person could ever get past all the mean being handed to them. And H is so good at handing mean out.

If this is his true self coming out, it is darn scary.

OKAY! Enough of the complaining!

I have one or another of my old friends write something nice on my alt universe page about once a day. Things about me being positive, or just that they miss me. I know I am not a bad person. I can happily figure out my new place in the world.

And most of all I can let go or that anchor who is dragging me down!